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24 july 2019 goths in gardens t here's really nothing better than watching a shy, timorous young goth, hidden beneath its protective camouflage of foundation and eyeliner, as it jabs away at the sun-baked earth with a rusty garden fork. m ost people take the view that goths are best left to their own devices, wallowing in self-pity in some dark and gloomy corner of their bedrooms, and this really is a great pity. the truth is that they flourish in sunlight and frequently manage to dredge up some vestige of inner joy when surrounded by the vibrant colours of nature. with the sun on their startled little faces, it's as if they somehow come alive. t hat's what goths in gardens is really all about. we are a charity that reaches out to sociopathic and disaffected young goths, dragging them, often reluctantly, blinking into the daylight. at our specially designed goth-friendly allotment they get a chance to get their hands dirty working with the soil, gaining valuable new life skills, learning all sorts of interesting things about slugs and snails and spending quality time with tomatoes. the goth tent. these special blackout cubicles provide a safe retreat for timid and confused goths when sunlight becomes too much for them. a nd now we're reaching out to you. trowels don't come cheap so we're asking you to give whatever you can to help our worthy cause. and perhaps, with your help, we can finally help these poor disadvantaged goths to become valued members of society rather than the miserable and whiney little freaks that they are. goths: the fact and the fiction there are many misconceptions about goths. here we take a few moments to explode a few of them... misconceptions, that is, not goths. contrary to popular belief, goths do not shrivel up when exposed to sunlight. although there are fewer of them around these days, goths are not officially an endangered species. you're thinking of pandas. goths are not waterproof and will fall apart like a wet paper bag when exposed to moisture. goths do not eat bamboo. again, that's pandas. many people still believe that goths are not allowed on british roads. if fact it has been legal for a goth to drive a motor vehicle since 1983. goths are not capable of intercepting radio signals and, despite the rumours, have never been used by the intelligence services for counter espionage. children's author elizabeth beresford did not base the wombles on a goth called bertie muffin whom she met on wimbledon common in 1967. although usually a slow and shambling creature, goths are capable of reaching speeds of up to 38mph. goths do not have any inhibitions about mating in captivity... pandas again. 22 july 2019 rent-a-shoe an exciting new investment opportunity maintaining a good quality shoe can be a pain in the wallet - and a pair is double the expense. it's not just about finding shoes that are comfortable, stylish and hardwearing. you also need to ensure that they're roadworthy, correctly balanced and compliant with emissions regulations. rent-a-shoe is a new business venture that aims to address this problem. right now, few people give serious consideration to renting their footwear - but over the next few years all that is set to change. environmental concerns and the rising cost of shoe leather mean that the traditional owner-occupier model of shoe distribution will rapidly become a thing of the past. the future lies in leasing and rent-a-shoe aims to place itself squarely at the forefront of this exciting new market. so why is rent-a-shoe the natural choice for investors? well, between them, rent-a-shoe's directors already have over twenty years' experience in the quality hat rental arena, easily outperforming competing hat rental companies in terms of both sales and customer feedback. that same model will help us gain a foothold* in the shoe leasing business. rent-a-shoe's customers can enjoy great value, whilst our extensive service packages mean that they can avoid expensive maintenance costs. rent-a-shoe will also boast the greatest choice, offering a wide range of styles, so that customers can always be sure of having the right shoe for the right occasion. our boast is that whether it's a smart brogue, a glitzy stiletto or a sturdy, all-terrain welly, rent-a-shoe will always be one step ahead † . if you'd like to get your foot in the door ‡ of this sensational new opportunity, register for our investment prospectus now. apply now and get a free sausage! *pun intended. †this one too. ‡not this one though. 19 july 2019 sticking flags in stuff "it's not theft. i'm staking a claim." so says harry barrel, who for the last fifty years has been going round sticking flags into other people's stuff. at 76 years of age, harry is a familiar sight around doncaster and those outlying villages fortunate enough to be situated on a convenient bus route. locals are used to seeing him thrusting flagpoles into things that don't belong to him, but which he thinks ought to. no one is clear about why he has chosen to terrorise doncaster in particular, although it's fair to say that if he tried the same sort of nonsense in glasgow, which is where he actually lives, the locals would most probably have sorted him out years ago. his most recent spree saw him in court after he impaled a volvo and then tried to make off with it - an enterprise destined for failure since, impressively, he managed to drive the flagpole straight through the engine block. the vehicle barely managed a cough and a splutter before the local rozzers arrived to effect an arrest. in summing up, the judge congratulated mr barrel on his athleticism - such prodigious strength being especially impressive for someone in such an advanced state of decay - but suggested that perhaps his talents might be put to better use. it needs to be said that this feller was relatively new to the business of judging - he still had the price ticket in his wig - and had he been older and wiser he would have known that his advice would fall on stony ground. in this instance, as had happened so many times before, mr barrel was unrepentant and used the occasion of his trial to make his case. "putting flags in things is a perfectly legitimate way of legally transferring ownership of goods," mr barrel announced, much to the delight of the spectators and assembled media, who view him as a combination of folk hero and batty eccentric. he continued: "whole empires have been founded on the principle of sticking flags in stuff. it is a noble tradition, which i intend to continue, no matter what the consequences." mr barrel was led away, accompanied by loud cheers, and it is reported that the court usher requested his autograph. some of the items that mr. barrel has 'claimed' over the years. 18 july 2019 because...kittens look at these fluffy kittens... doesn't this make you want to give us some money? these kittens are so cute and fluffy and helpless - could you really be so heartless as to not give us your cash?* send your money to: fluffy kitten international ltd. unit 4 abattoir view catford remember, we need your money because... kittens. *fluffy kitten international ltd cannot guarantee that any of your money will be spent on kittens. &emptysmallsquare; tick here if you do not want your name and contact details to be added to a sucker list and shared online. 21 march 2019 splosh in response to recent official scaremongering from the environment agency regarding dwindling water supplies, concerned member of the proletariat and know-it-all noah bubble has started a campaign asking for donations. "as soon as i heard about the problem i said to myself, 'well,' i said, 'this is a turnout. those environment people are saying they've got no water and where i am it's chucking it down.' so i thought, now then, i can do something about this, so i can. so i fills a couple of buckets and i sends them off. yes sir, that's what i did." mr bubble has been sending buckets of wat

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DISCLAIMER
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for .uk domain names. This information and the .uk WHOIS are:
Copyright Nominet UK 1996 - 2017.
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by the terms of use available in full at http://www.nominet.uk/whoisterms,
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  DNS0.EASILY.CO.UK 185.83.100.31

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